Anamnesis
by ichiruzuka
Summary: A scattered dream that's like a far-off memory.A far-off memory that's like a scattered dream. I want to line the pieces up... yours and mine.


**For the ones who recognized the summary, yes, that's a direct quote from Sora in the beginning of Kingdom Hearts II**

**Again, this is unbetaed. I still haven't got a stable one, and the temporary replacement is currently missing.  
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**This is an _AU_. Please pardon the out-of-character things and kindly don't leave review on that, because you've been warned. If you dislike that, hit the back button now.  
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**I'll be blunt; This is a trial chapter, to gouge your reaction. I've been planning for more, but if nobody leave a review, I'll stop this here.**

**General disclaimer is on my profile.**

**Enjoy!**

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It's raining in Cross Academy.

Kuran Kaname stands leaning against a window, arms crossing. His eyes trained to a certain figure outside, standing alone in the rain.

Kurosu Zero is certainly an odd one, Kaname has decided.

Ever since their first meeting a few years ago, both Yuuki and Kaname have been drawn to the Headmaster Kaien's adoptive son. For Yuuki, it's just that she wants a little brother to coddle, and Zero provides just that. But Kaname has a bit different reason to pay such attention to a human, and—though unofficial—a Hunter. Like a moth drawn to flame, Kaname can't quite stop himself from observing Zero.

It isn't the fact that Zero has an absolute beauty, even for a human, with his moonlight-colored hair and lilac eyes, unblemished milky white skin, and slender but lithe figure. But no, it isn't about that. While those surely help the cause, they aren't quite what made him think the silverette is so strange.

It's just the way that he sometimes gets this lost look on his face, like he is wondering why he is there, or what he is doing, who he is. Though, soon after this sort of lapse, there is always a disgruntled, haggard scowl, and for a few hours after that, Kaname can never really see the silverette to cheer up; he will just go about his business with a faraway look in his eyes, like he is reliving distant memories that Kaname has no knowledge of.

Anything can trigger the silverette to zone out like that; seeing a fire, for instance. Or sakura flowers, being near a lake, the moon, small bells... Seemingly random things, though Kaname thinks that it all connected somehow.

Or like now, when the rain falls.

Kaname has just tucked Yuuki in for the night—or day, for human standards—and sees Zero standing near the lake. Unbothered with the rainfall, he stands still and lets the drizzles soak him wet. And Kaname then sees the Headmaster comes to the silverette with umbrella in hand, then ushering him back into the house— the Headmaster's house. He doesn't live in the dorm.

Kaname knows that Zero likes the rain and has this weird habit to stand under it, but never understands _why_ he likes doing so.

But that's all silly, anyway. Zero is Zero; quiet, insightful, a little obscure sometimes. It is so strange, and yet, Kaname has come to know it as _Zero__. _Kaname huffs quietly at his thoughts as he stares at the furthering backs of Headmaster and Zero, dismissing his concerns for another time.

* * *

Sometimes Kurosu Zero thinks that he's living a borrowed life.

His earliest memory is of the fire. The licking crimson flame, the scorching heat, the smell of burning things…

He remembers running. He runs and runs until he reaches a door, frantically opening it, and runs outside into the sight of grey sky. He remembers falling to his knees on hard ground, panting and coughing.

He remembers the rain. He remembers glancing up to the crying sky, feeling the cool drizzles on his skin, washing away traces of ash and bloods. He remembers collapsing to the damp earth; his failing limbs no longer have the energy to support his body. He doesn't remember how long he stayed there, lying on the forming puddles.

He doesn't even remember closing his eyes.

The next time awareness dawned back to him, he remembers the feel of mattress under his weight. He can feel soft blanket draped around him. When he finally could pry his eyes open, he remembers seeing a face framed by straw-colored hair, with a set of worried hazel eyes behind the spectacles that morphs into a relived smile. He blinks once, twice, and the face finally registered to his hazy mind. Kurosu Kaien smiles gently.

"_You will be my son, Zero-kun. You are Kurosu Zero now." _Kaien has told him.

It takes almost a year for Kaien to get him open up, and another six months to make him call Kaien "Dad" instead of polite "Kaien-san".

Another six months, and he meets the Kuran siblings for the first time. Kuran Yuuki is the epitome of cheeriness, a rather unique attitude for one with a high status like her. Yuuki likens him as a little brother, never miss the chance to coddle or just messing his silver hair. On the other hand, Kuran Kaname is the calm one, a nearly perfect opposite of his sister. Kaname regards him in a bit more distant way, although the Pureblood certainly keeps an eye on him and ready to be there when needed.

Memories come and go after that, filling his lost past with new present, over the course of his life as Kurosu Zero. He holds them dear to his heart. He really does, but there's also a void of his former life that can't be filled no matter what he tries. Some happenings that he doesn't really understand.

There is his love for the rain, for example.

When rain comes, he would always sneak out and just stands under it, feeling the familiar _drip drip drip _of silver on his lithe body. He likes the way drizzles pelting his face. He likes the smell of damp earth after rainfall. Kaien knows his strange affinity with rain, and the man would always give him a moment for himself, before guides him back inside and dries his wet hair gently, with a soft-sad smile on his eyes. Yuuki is the complete opposite; would always scold him for it. And Kaname… would just be Kaname.

He never tells anyone that he's just trying to put out the fire that burn in his head whenever he isn't thinking of anything else.

There are also his dreams.

He dreams of a soft lullaby being sung to him like a whisper. Of silken soft silver-white mane that faintly bore sakura scent around him, filling his view. Of gentle fingers and even gentler caresses on his silver locks.

He dreams of running. Of a bright darkness and the moon hanging so low overhead. Of the grassy field that looks like a black sea in the night illuminated by the sharp moonlight. Of a figure running ahead of him, laughing and inviting him to follow.

He dreams of voices and visions. Of many voices overlapping with each other and goes by unheard. Of many visions flashing on his mind and pass away so fast.

And sometimes he also dreams awake.

He hears that soft lullaby with the fragrance of sakura flowers. He sees that laughing figure with the moonlight. Disjointed voices and visions every now and then.

To this day, Zero still calls it as dreaming.

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